First post. Lots of anger contained...

For you.

Why are you ignoring me now? I honestly feel like you’re using me. I know you don’t notice but when we pass each my stuff in the hall, I look back at you but you just keep walking. Same goes for when you give it back to me. No words spoken. Nothing like the last few weeks. I’m trying to figure out why, but you keep avoiding me so, I can’t do anything about it.

For Ahem.

SHUT UP ABOUT HIM. I’M TOO TIRED, TOO STRESSED OUT, AND TRYING TO DEAL WITH OTHER THINGS. Although, I’m literally just sitting here doing nothing but either homework or on Audition, I’m trying to calm myself from the stress I’m going through. ENOUGH OF THE FUCKING PROBLEMS. THAT SHIT SHOULD’VE ENDED MONTHS AGO, AND YOU FUCKING KEEP GOING ON AND ON ABOUT IT. SHUT THE FUCK UP. LEAVE HIM ALONE, AND HE’LL LEAVE YOU ALONE. DON’T TELL ME THAT HE WON’T BECAUSE IT’S YOUR ACTIONS. HE HAS OTHER THINGS TO DO ALSO, HE DOESN’T NEED THE PROBLEMS, AND I DON’T NEED THEM EITHER. PLEASE. I beg of you. 

For the world.

I HATE THE WIND. I HATE POLLEN. MY EYES CAN’T HANDLE IT. MY CONJUNCTIVAS IS TAKING A HUGE TOLL ON ME. MY VISION ON MY RIGHT EYE MAKES ME FEEL SO IRRITATED. I HAD TO PUT A JACKET OVER MY HEAD WHEN I GO OUTSIDE.

What happened today:

The first thing that happened? My migraines came back. It was too late to take the medicine so I walked out the house to go to school. My head was pounding of pain and I already knew today was going to be irritating. My neighbor offered to bring the meds for me in the morning. I took a quiz for 1st period and my vision kept unfocusing and I felt nausea. I couldn’t concentrate so I know I got lower than a 50. She said she was coming around 8:30. Never came. It was 9:20 and 2nd period came along. I got a pass to the nurse and told her about my migraines and if I should be concerned. She said I should get an MRI…YOU KNOW HOW MUCH THAT COSTS? Bleh. Anyways, she let me sleep till 5 minutes before 2nd period ended and that only helped a little bit. The bell rings and I walk to lunch. One of my friends asks what’s wrong and I tell her, “Migraines.” GUESS WHAT SHE DOES? SHE SITS THERE, AND YELLS IN MY EAR SAYING HI TO OTHER PEOPLE. “HIIII _____, HEY YO _____, ______ SUP HOMIE” Wth. I just told you I had migraines and you sit there and yell in my ear? Lunch ended with me being super irritated and 3rd period started. We were going to dissect a sheep’s eye so I was sort of looking forward to it. Well, that ended up badly. I WAS FORCED OUT OF MY USUAL GROUP TO SIT WITH THE MOST DUMBEST PEOPLE IN THE FUCKING CLASS. I was forced to be the person to answer all the fucking lab questions, and NOT ONCE DID I EVEN GET TO TOUCH THE EYE. Only because I’m fucking Asian. All the fucking White stoner’s relied on my ass to do those questions so they get to do the fun shit. So I sat there, answered all the questions and fucking left lab cause I was so pissed. Then there was 4th period. French 3. The class I hate the most. I had to do a video project before the last bell rings to go home. So I sat there and did that. Finished it. But the class sat there and started talking shit about me and they thought I couldn’t hear them? I hate fake ass bitches. Bell rang. The bus almost leaves me AGAIN. I walked home, really wanting to sleep forever. THE DOOR WAS FUCKING LOCKED. ALL 3 OF THEM. So I laid outside on the ground. Then, my eye started irritating cause of the pollen, and the fucking wind. So I was outside for 3 FUCKING HOURS. I kicked around and screamed. I didn’t know what was wrong with me. I come inside, looked at my eye. It was red, and the clear layer of my eye was swollen and was almost enveloping my iris. It was really disgusting. I took a shower and put my prescribed eye drops in. It’s healing at the moment. I asked my dad and my mom to get me a new phone. It’s been 2 months since my phone got stolen. He says no and my mom sitting there, “IF YOU DONT FOLLOW MAI RULE, MAI RULE, MAI RULE—” (Note, she likes to repeat things 3x in one lecture) In my mind, I keep telling her to shut the hell up, but of course she keeps on going. (Another note, I still have those migraines. I’m just used to the pain now). So I walk over to my laptop and is now writing this post. I just hope nothing else bothers me or I will seriously have an anxiety attack. Or maybe I’ll murder someone.